(I’m catching up on news articles today, and wearing my religion-and-culture-critic hat as I do: hence this commentary on Louisiana Republican governor Bobby Jindal and his recent guns-in-church bill):
The past few weeks haven’t been stellar ones for traditionalist Catholics, with the “only-Latin-Masses-for-me-and-mine” old-fashioned Catholic Mel Gibson caught on tape screaming racist and sexist epithets at his porn-star girlfriend. And with “traditionalist Catholic” Republican governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana signing legislation that permits licensed gun toters to tote in Louisiana churches.
And as I read this news about Jindal and the news that a Baptist minister in Georgia has filed suit to overturn a ban on guns in churches in another heavily churched Southern state, I’m wondering if, down the road, we’ll need to revise the psaltery. You know, liturgy keeping up with the times . . . .
Psalm 150 now reads,
1 Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.
I’m for adding a verse right now for use in Southern churches, to conform to the liturgical preferences of those churches. It would follow verse 5, and would read,
5 praise him with blasts of fine Benelli autoloaders,
With sprays of ammo from pearl-handled pistols
And then, “Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.”
And, since Governor Jindal is one of those many tradCaths who are convinced that the devil is romping through the halls of Catholic places today, and who not only believe in but apparently engage in exorcisms, I’m wondering about the feasibility of developing a new liturgical rite for exorcisms involving guns. A special rite for the Southern churches, as it were.
Seems to me with the Old Dickens not only taunting scripture readers, but pushing against the chests of those trying to exorcise him as they chant bible verses (as Jindal claims a demon has done to him), guns would come in mighty handy at a devil-trouncing ceremony. What prayer and the bible can’t accomplish, a gun frequently does.
And talk about lively liturgy! Looks like the churches of my beloved Southland are fixing to become sprier and more boisterous than they’ve ever been, with the help of a few rounds of semi-automatic shotgun ammunition and the pops of a few pearl-handled pistols of a Sunday. All this and devils, too, and you’ve got yourself some first-rate entrancing liturgy.
Just be sure to protect the sanctuary lamp, since stray bullets have a way of shattering glass mighty easily.
And, since Governor Jindal is one of those many tradCaths who are convinced that the devil is romping through the halls of Catholic places today, and who not only believe in but apparently engage in exorcisms, I’m wondering about the feasibility of developing a new liturgical rite for exorcisms involving guns. A special rite for the Southern churches, as it were.
Seems to me with the Old Dickens not only taunting scripture readers, but pushing against the chests of those trying to exorcise him as they chant bible verses (as Jindal claims a demon has done to him), guns would come in mighty handy at a devil-trouncing ceremony. What prayer and the bible can’t accomplish, a gun frequently does.
And talk about lively liturgy! Looks like the churches of my beloved Southland are fixing to become sprier and more boisterous than they’ve ever been, with the help of a few rounds of semi-automatic shotgun ammunition and the pops of a few pearl-handled pistols of a Sunday. All this and devils, too, and you’ve got yourself some first-rate entrancing liturgy.
Just be sure to protect the sanctuary lamp, since stray bullets have a way of shattering glass mighty easily.
