Monday, August 19, 2013

Catholic Marital Advice From NCR Reader: Invite Our Lord into Your Bedroom to Form a Mini Trinity with You and Your Spouse

And speaking of arrant nonsense--I was, wasn't I, just a moment ago?--can there be any sillier marital counsel than what Edward Hu has been dispensing in the National Catholic Reporter thread discussing Jamie Manson's article about the attacks on gay folks in Russia? Arrant nonsense: I just wrote,

And the more some cultic Catholics choose to bash gay folks in the name of their Catholic "truth," the more they end up reinforcing the judgment of many Catholics and many folks outside the Catholic community that there's something beyond silly--there's something downright toxic--in the "truth" about human sexuality that ultra-orthodox Catholics want to offer the rest of the world as salvific truth.

And here's Edward Hu, thinking he's getting in some telling clouts to the head of another NCR blogger Hu takes to be gay:

Next time you're coupling with another male, pray that prayer you just gave us...ask God to speak to your heart, ask Him to join you in that unnatural union.

And just in case you don't quite get where Mr. Hu is coming from with this advice, he goes on to explicate, to tell readers how he and his wife have sex by inviting Jesus into their bedroom--advice he was given at some point in his own Catholic education:

Hey...the best marital advice I ever got was to invite Our Lord into the intimate union of my marriage. Having a Presence of God during intimacy takes intimacy to grand heights and keeps me from being selfish.  
I consider my last point to be truly charitable advice. Seriously.

And if you're still confused about what he means, Hu then adds,

Well then time you are intimate with your wife, consider the same advice. Having a Presence of God is so easy...and it can be brought about so quickly and simply (" me to love your daughter like no one has been loved before"....or "thank you for the gift of your dear me to help her know that she is loved like no other".)  
In a breath...a mini trinity is made present...selfishness abates...laughter abounds.

Got that? When Catholics have sex (and they should have sex only in the context of a man-woman marriage in which the penis is inserted into the vagina with no unnatural barriers to conception, and where ejaculation occurs only inside the vagina), they should invite Our Lord into the bedroom to watch. They should create "a mini trinity" in their bedroom, to sanctify the act of penis-vagina-only-for-conception intercourse.

Since Jesus is, it appears, intently interested in watching, in monitoring sexual acts to ascertain that they are "natural," that they occur between a man and a woman in the context of marriage, with no barriers to conception and no male climax (forget about the female ones: they appear not to interest Our Lord) in which the penis is not inserted into the vagina. Every other act offends Our Lord mightily, as Mr. Hu imagines any act of sexual expression between two people of the same sex does--hence his observation initiating this thread: my Jesus feels the same ick I feel about imagining what you gay men do in your bedrooms.

But I'd be willing to bet that the notion that Jesus is fascinated by what goes on inside our bedrooms, and is hoping to be invited to form a mini trinity with us there, might itself be more than a little offensive to many thinking human beings and to many Catholics with a modicum of rationality. I'd like to think that Our Lord has better things to do than to sit around in each of our bedrooms watching what we do in bed, wouldn't you?

Talk about making God in our own tiny little warped images . . . . Is it any wonder so many people inside and outside the Catholic church are resoundingly ignoring anything and everything Catholics like Mr. Hu want to teach us about human sexuality?

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