The Gays Take Out Another Holy Heterosexual Marriage

And while bishops stand on sound principles and issue decrees designed to "preserve and foster the supremely sacred value of the married state," as Mr. Dolan puts the point in his recent decree proclaiming that affording same-sex couples the right of civil marriage undermines the dignity of sacramental marriage as established by Jesus, teh gayz destroy another holy heterosexual union:

I think I've mentioned to readers before that I tape (anachronistic word: I know the technology's changed, but don't know the word for what the machine does now) Ellen Degeneres' show daily, to watch as I slog away on my exercise machine twice a day when the weather doesn't permit us a long walk.  A confession is in order here: I've gotten hooked on reruns of both "The Big Bang Theory" and "3rd Rock from the Sun," so I'm far behind on Ellen episodes.  Nothing makes my little gay feet pitter-patter faster on the gruesome (and decidedly non-gay) treadmill than comedy, and no one does it better than the stellar teams of those two sitcoms.

So as my gay feet were pitter-pattering away yesterday and as my conscienceless gay brain was mulling over new ways to undermine American Christian civilization, I decided to catch up a bit on Ellen.  I turn on the furthest-back show I now have in my Ellen queue, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but the faces of celebrities Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.  Wreathed in smiles due to their recent wedding, which was the focus of Ellen's interview of them on her 5 October show--the show I was watching yesterday on 8 November.

A week or so after said holy heterosexual union has just gone up in flames, no doubt due to the holy heterosexual couple's appearance on the wicked lesbian Ellen Degeneres's show.  

Another sacred opposite marriage bites the dust due to the gays.  Where and when and how, oh how, will this process end?  

And so I can, just a little bit, understand Mr. Dolan's wringing of hands and his insistence that the sacred value of the married state needs to be protected, though precisely how permitting the gays to effect civil marriages undermines sacramental marriage still eludes me.  And when and where Jesus raised any kind of marriage at all to the dignity of a sacrament eludes me as well, despite Mr. Dolan's explicit decree that such is the case, since I have always understood that the gospels never even use the word "sacrament," and certainly don't speak of the sacrament of marriage, since that was the last of the sacraments to be established in Catholic tradition, many years down the road from Jesus himself.

As I say, all of this eludes my conscienceless gay brain every bit as much as does the "right" claimed by the Catholic bishops to exercise veto power over who may marry whom and when and how in a non-theocratic civil society.  As does the question of why the gays and their civil marriages represent an incomparable threat that must elicit decrees and warnings from these principled ecclesiastical gentlemen, when the Kims and Krises of the world seem to be doing a jolly good job of undermining the sacred institution of heterosexual marriage all on their own, with no help from the gays, through their instant marriages and equally instant divorces.

About which the bishops are strangely silent and not wont to issue decrees and warnings.  Or to spend lavish amounts of money trying to change civil laws.

P.S. These stories seem to be writing themselves for me these days.  I just posted the preceding piece, and then turned to Huffington Post to catch up on the news, and when I did so, found another delightful piece by professional gay Domenick Scudera letting the cat out of the bag even more about the hidden gay agenda for American society.  Domenick leaks the top-secret minutes of a recent meeting of Homosexuals of the United States (HOTUS), at which 3,136,921 adult U.S. homosexuals were in attendance.

HOTUS's Marriage Committee reports:

From the Marriage Committee: We had a very successful year in 2011. Due to the diligent work of all HOTUS members, heterosexual marriage is now ending in divorce at a steady 50 percent. Our goal is 53 percent in 2012. A new study shows that if we can force the legality of gay marriage in just two more states, we can easily achieve the goal of ruining at least 53 percent of heterosexual marriages. A sub-committee has been formed to study Kim Kardashian's recent divorce to learn more effective techniques in ending marriages at a faster rate.

Wow.  The cat is really out of the bag now.  Wonder if this will elicit an entirely new decree from Mr. Dolan, as he becomes aware that teh gayz have deliberately and wickedly targeted heterosexual marriages and are succeeding in making half of them end in divorce at present.  With plans for an even higher success rate in 2012.  (And, no doubt, a Kim Kardashian designer toaster prize to go to teh gay who wrecks the most holy heterosexual unions in the coming year.)